So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
