Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
