So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
