I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
