the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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