it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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