you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
