I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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