grandma shit on top of the toilet
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
