hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
