when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
