i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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