Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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