The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
