He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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