Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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