I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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