tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
