i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
