Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
