I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
