The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
