just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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