a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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