If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
