I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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