our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Girls should come with a carfax report
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
