I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
