Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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