so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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