I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
