The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
