Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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