Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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