I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
