she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
