i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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