drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
