Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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