I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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