spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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