We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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