Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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