I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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