He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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