Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
