who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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