I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
