I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
