i think my tv is drunk
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
