i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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