girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize