If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
