This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Terrible idea I love it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
