When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
