dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
