Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
