would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
