the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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