I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
