Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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