i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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