im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
