Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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