Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
