you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
