Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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