no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my shit smells like andre
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
