I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize