I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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