i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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