your parents love me but you hate me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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