HIV tests are more positive than that guy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
