I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Two words: nipple clamps
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