i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
