First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
