I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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