you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
