There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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